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WEEK 27 | MONTH SIX | BABY CAULIFLOWER
FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 16
I had my first massage today! I've never had one before and was a little nervous. Sure, get your very first massage while pregnant, when everything is different and more sensitive and lotions and oils are triggers for things. Sure. Makes sense. Why not. The masseuse was so nice and made me feel comfortable. She understood my anxieties but assured me that my massage would be whatever I made it, that she only wanted me to feel safe. The massage itself went over time, more than the scheduled hour. She said she doesn't really limit and had me text Mike beforehand to warn him so he wouldn't worry when it got late. Apparently she's seen plenty of husbands call wondering where their wives were. The room was very dimly lit with a calming purple lamp. I was happy to have it dark. It was nice for my eyes and easier on my mind to not be so out in the open. She kept me covered where I needed to be, not that I cared all that much. Pregnancies have made me used to people seeing things and also helped me love my body. But i still didn't feel comfortable just lying there naked, so the nice warm blankets were welcomed.
The massage definitely loosen up my muscles. She could easily tell that I sleep primarily on my left side...better for baby. At the end she instructed me to get up slowly. I felt so light and calm. A little dizzy, but not fearfully so, just happy-dizzy. No pain, no soreness. It was lovely. I can't wait for my next appointment.
Baby ate well today! My growing family and I went to Red Lobster for their endless shrimp! I didn't eat shrimp. I don't like shrimp. I had salmon!!!! It was awesome. Kids had fish and for some reason decided they didn't really like it...just that night, however, because they've eaten fish at home with smiles. Kids. It was a good and hearty meal for Cauliflower and me. Salmon, broccoli, asparagus, and of course a few biscuits. Baby was jumping for joy!
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 17
Started the day with some soccer. I wonder if this baby will like soccer. Who knows! I was hungry eventually. Dinner last night was late, much later than i normally eat, but my body still used most of it. I ate breakfast to kickstart my metabolism, but wasn't that hungry overall. I took a plum with me to Landon's soccer game since i started to feel it by then...that wasn't until 1:00! But I was hungry by the time we went to our friends' house for a get-together. Good thing!
And holy crap we changed our baby's name choices!!! Something wasn't sitting right with me. Despite my love of both names, I couldn't help but wonder if they weren't the right ones. It's been keeping me up at night ever since Mike and I agreed on them. We couldn't find middle names that worked, no matter what we tried. Mike thought maybe it was because both names were hard to pair up, I asked him if he thought maybe it was because deep down we were having doubts. I never felt like I got the for-sure reaction from Mike I got with Landon and Kiley. I kept having to ask if he was sure, if we were sure these were the names. I didn't have to do that with the other two kids. I suggested we start again, see what happens. Sitting at Landon's soccer game today I pulled out my phone and started looking up some girl names waiting for the games to begin. Mike suddenly started blurting out girl names. I laughed and told him i was just looking...we were on the same wavelength. A name came to me, one I hadn't seen before (I know now it was not on the top 1000 last year, which is great!). Its pronounced and spelled differently than usual, but Mike loved it. Then I looked up some cherry varieties because Mike liked the idea of our girls having cherry middles. There is was, the perfect middle name. It included part of the original girl name we dropped and it flowed beautifully. Then I asked if maybe we should try the very very first boy name we ever agreed on because I'd honestly loved it more and he agreed. So boy name was picked. We went back and forth on some middles, then one he suggested was perfect!! A family name just like Landon, because we liked the idea of our boys having a family middle. So just like that, in less than 5 minutes we had our names!! After 20 weeks of working towards the names we decided to leave behind, we found our true choices in a snap! It feels great, it feels right. What a relief! And this time i'm confident Mike actually loves the names and that's so important. I'm excited now to see which name we get to use once the baby is born!!
SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 18
Whipped out my Hypnobabies book today!!! I can't wait to start!!! Read a ltitle of the overview and thought, yup it's all coming back to me. I'm super excited!!! Now I just have to get the hypno tracks on my phone!
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 19
Today went quick at work, thankfully. I need Mondays to move fast cause they draaaaaag on after just coming off a busy weekend. I was afraid it would move slow in my anticipation for an appointment this afternoon. I left early for that, though, so maybe that's why the day moved.
The appointment went well. It was time for the glucose screening. I showed up early, guzzled a nice big glass of whatever orange fluid they gave me, then waited an hour. In the meantime, I got to chat a bit with my midwife. She asked me how things were going and it was nice to be able to tell her things were going great. She mentioned that at an earlier appointment following my level 2 ultrasound, the doc I'd seen wrote in my records that if I go past 38 weeks they will induce me. I wasn't too happy to hear that and my midwife didn't get why that would be in there. First off, the doc was not my doc. She didn't have a say in the matter. Secondly, my MW and i laughed at the prospect of me going to 38 weeks! As much as we'd both want me to, we know i might not. She thinks the doctor wants to prevent a home birth and "catch it" before anything happens. She agreed with preventing an unexpected at-home birth, but she said there'd be no need for an induction, that I'd just come to the midwifery and have the baby. No big deal. I told my MW I wouldn't agree to being induced as long as there was no health issue making it necessary. Even Mike agreed when I told him about it later that I don't need doctors in the room unless there's an emergency. That man has come a long way since my first days of saying I wanted a midwife. He trusts in me and knows I can birth this baby. The midwife trusts me too.
My midwife knows I'm doing things as natural as possible too, and that I am equipped with Hypnobabies tools. I'm not suffering a medical condition and my pregnancy is mine, not anyone else's. My baby will be born on his/her birthdate, not when doctors decide. And if the baby is born at home again, so be it. I won't force my baby out before s/he is ready. Bake little baby bake! You come out when you're done. Stay in as long as you can and if that's to 40, 41 or even 42 weeks, then you go right ahead. If you need to come out early, I ask that you wait until 37 weeks at least. I can try, right!? Let's do our waterbirth. Stay in there where you are protected and everything is where you need it. Then when you are ready, let me know. I'll be there for you.
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20
I'm having fun trying to figure out what position my baby is in. I was told around a month ago at my final ultrasound that Baby was breech. I've continued to do inversions and squats to keep things aligned and open for Baby to easily turn when the time is right. Its fun to try mapping the baby on my own from day to day. I can tell s/he is in the posterior position, meaning his/her back is against mine. It's no surprise since my placenta is just behind my belly button and babies prefer to face the placenta. Today i felt some hiccups very low, close to my pelvic bone. I decided to do a little research on what part of Baby's body I'm feeling. This is what I can tell...
1. My belly button doesn't stick out, its slightly flat, indicative of a posterior position (baby's back against my spine).
2. I felt hiccups in my lower belly, meaning baby's head is likely down there (I hope so!)
3. Baby's kicking is felt down low, always below the belly button, meaning Baby is breech.
4. Sometimes i feel a short spurt of very high pressure on my rib cage, usually on my right side. This likely means Baby's head is up there pushing against my ribs.
5. At yesterday's appt, my midwife and I listened for Baby's heart rate (which was a steady 140bbm) and she had the device resting on my left side just below my belly button...this could indicate a head-down position.
So there's a definite chance Baby is still breech, but the lower hiccups could mean Baby is starting to try out other positions. I trust that s/he will turn towards my back and end up head down when birthing is near, but I want to know that the baby isn't so used to one position that s/he becomes comfortable and doesn't move. No, the baby will move to make birth as pleasant for him/her as possible. I have faith.
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 21
I started tracking my food and my pressure waves. I wish i would've started both earlier cause I forget how much I love doing that kinda stuff. It helps me not "eat whatever I want just because i'm pregnant". I need to stay healthy for me and Baby. That's super important!! By tracking, I hold myself responsible for my choices because its right there in print. And I enjoy it!
I made a simple chart on my phone for writing in pressure waves as they occur. I want to really understand my patterns. If I'm to do a waterbirth, I have to first get to the hospital, and if I'm to get to the hospital I have to KNOW when it's time. I don't want to be there all day and be wrong. I want to know its coming in a few hours and be packed and out the door and in the tub just long enough to have a beautiful birthing. I can't do that unless I am confident in my body's signals. Charting the waves early on will help me see consistencies when they're not so inconsistent. Even though it seemed like I had a lot more today than yesterday, I can still tell based on the overall pattern that it really vary that much. They're just practice waves. The time will come when things will really change and I will be ready.
I had my first massage today! I've never had one before and was a little nervous. Sure, get your very first massage while pregnant, when everything is different and more sensitive and lotions and oils are triggers for things. Sure. Makes sense. Why not. The masseuse was so nice and made me feel comfortable. She understood my anxieties but assured me that my massage would be whatever I made it, that she only wanted me to feel safe. The massage itself went over time, more than the scheduled hour. She said she doesn't really limit and had me text Mike beforehand to warn him so he wouldn't worry when it got late. Apparently she's seen plenty of husbands call wondering where their wives were. The room was very dimly lit with a calming purple lamp. I was happy to have it dark. It was nice for my eyes and easier on my mind to not be so out in the open. She kept me covered where I needed to be, not that I cared all that much. Pregnancies have made me used to people seeing things and also helped me love my body. But i still didn't feel comfortable just lying there naked, so the nice warm blankets were welcomed.
The massage definitely loosen up my muscles. She could easily tell that I sleep primarily on my left side...better for baby. At the end she instructed me to get up slowly. I felt so light and calm. A little dizzy, but not fearfully so, just happy-dizzy. No pain, no soreness. It was lovely. I can't wait for my next appointment.
Baby ate well today! My growing family and I went to Red Lobster for their endless shrimp! I didn't eat shrimp. I don't like shrimp. I had salmon!!!! It was awesome. Kids had fish and for some reason decided they didn't really like it...just that night, however, because they've eaten fish at home with smiles. Kids. It was a good and hearty meal for Cauliflower and me. Salmon, broccoli, asparagus, and of course a few biscuits. Baby was jumping for joy!
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 17
Started the day with some soccer. I wonder if this baby will like soccer. Who knows! I was hungry eventually. Dinner last night was late, much later than i normally eat, but my body still used most of it. I ate breakfast to kickstart my metabolism, but wasn't that hungry overall. I took a plum with me to Landon's soccer game since i started to feel it by then...that wasn't until 1:00! But I was hungry by the time we went to our friends' house for a get-together. Good thing!
And holy crap we changed our baby's name choices!!! Something wasn't sitting right with me. Despite my love of both names, I couldn't help but wonder if they weren't the right ones. It's been keeping me up at night ever since Mike and I agreed on them. We couldn't find middle names that worked, no matter what we tried. Mike thought maybe it was because both names were hard to pair up, I asked him if he thought maybe it was because deep down we were having doubts. I never felt like I got the for-sure reaction from Mike I got with Landon and Kiley. I kept having to ask if he was sure, if we were sure these were the names. I didn't have to do that with the other two kids. I suggested we start again, see what happens. Sitting at Landon's soccer game today I pulled out my phone and started looking up some girl names waiting for the games to begin. Mike suddenly started blurting out girl names. I laughed and told him i was just looking...we were on the same wavelength. A name came to me, one I hadn't seen before (I know now it was not on the top 1000 last year, which is great!). Its pronounced and spelled differently than usual, but Mike loved it. Then I looked up some cherry varieties because Mike liked the idea of our girls having cherry middles. There is was, the perfect middle name. It included part of the original girl name we dropped and it flowed beautifully. Then I asked if maybe we should try the very very first boy name we ever agreed on because I'd honestly loved it more and he agreed. So boy name was picked. We went back and forth on some middles, then one he suggested was perfect!! A family name just like Landon, because we liked the idea of our boys having a family middle. So just like that, in less than 5 minutes we had our names!! After 20 weeks of working towards the names we decided to leave behind, we found our true choices in a snap! It feels great, it feels right. What a relief! And this time i'm confident Mike actually loves the names and that's so important. I'm excited now to see which name we get to use once the baby is born!!
SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 18
Whipped out my Hypnobabies book today!!! I can't wait to start!!! Read a ltitle of the overview and thought, yup it's all coming back to me. I'm super excited!!! Now I just have to get the hypno tracks on my phone!
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 19
Today went quick at work, thankfully. I need Mondays to move fast cause they draaaaaag on after just coming off a busy weekend. I was afraid it would move slow in my anticipation for an appointment this afternoon. I left early for that, though, so maybe that's why the day moved.
The appointment went well. It was time for the glucose screening. I showed up early, guzzled a nice big glass of whatever orange fluid they gave me, then waited an hour. In the meantime, I got to chat a bit with my midwife. She asked me how things were going and it was nice to be able to tell her things were going great. She mentioned that at an earlier appointment following my level 2 ultrasound, the doc I'd seen wrote in my records that if I go past 38 weeks they will induce me. I wasn't too happy to hear that and my midwife didn't get why that would be in there. First off, the doc was not my doc. She didn't have a say in the matter. Secondly, my MW and i laughed at the prospect of me going to 38 weeks! As much as we'd both want me to, we know i might not. She thinks the doctor wants to prevent a home birth and "catch it" before anything happens. She agreed with preventing an unexpected at-home birth, but she said there'd be no need for an induction, that I'd just come to the midwifery and have the baby. No big deal. I told my MW I wouldn't agree to being induced as long as there was no health issue making it necessary. Even Mike agreed when I told him about it later that I don't need doctors in the room unless there's an emergency. That man has come a long way since my first days of saying I wanted a midwife. He trusts in me and knows I can birth this baby. The midwife trusts me too.
My midwife knows I'm doing things as natural as possible too, and that I am equipped with Hypnobabies tools. I'm not suffering a medical condition and my pregnancy is mine, not anyone else's. My baby will be born on his/her birthdate, not when doctors decide. And if the baby is born at home again, so be it. I won't force my baby out before s/he is ready. Bake little baby bake! You come out when you're done. Stay in as long as you can and if that's to 40, 41 or even 42 weeks, then you go right ahead. If you need to come out early, I ask that you wait until 37 weeks at least. I can try, right!? Let's do our waterbirth. Stay in there where you are protected and everything is where you need it. Then when you are ready, let me know. I'll be there for you.
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20
I'm having fun trying to figure out what position my baby is in. I was told around a month ago at my final ultrasound that Baby was breech. I've continued to do inversions and squats to keep things aligned and open for Baby to easily turn when the time is right. Its fun to try mapping the baby on my own from day to day. I can tell s/he is in the posterior position, meaning his/her back is against mine. It's no surprise since my placenta is just behind my belly button and babies prefer to face the placenta. Today i felt some hiccups very low, close to my pelvic bone. I decided to do a little research on what part of Baby's body I'm feeling. This is what I can tell...
1. My belly button doesn't stick out, its slightly flat, indicative of a posterior position (baby's back against my spine).
2. I felt hiccups in my lower belly, meaning baby's head is likely down there (I hope so!)
3. Baby's kicking is felt down low, always below the belly button, meaning Baby is breech.
4. Sometimes i feel a short spurt of very high pressure on my rib cage, usually on my right side. This likely means Baby's head is up there pushing against my ribs.
5. At yesterday's appt, my midwife and I listened for Baby's heart rate (which was a steady 140bbm) and she had the device resting on my left side just below my belly button...this could indicate a head-down position.
So there's a definite chance Baby is still breech, but the lower hiccups could mean Baby is starting to try out other positions. I trust that s/he will turn towards my back and end up head down when birthing is near, but I want to know that the baby isn't so used to one position that s/he becomes comfortable and doesn't move. No, the baby will move to make birth as pleasant for him/her as possible. I have faith.
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 21
I started tracking my food and my pressure waves. I wish i would've started both earlier cause I forget how much I love doing that kinda stuff. It helps me not "eat whatever I want just because i'm pregnant". I need to stay healthy for me and Baby. That's super important!! By tracking, I hold myself responsible for my choices because its right there in print. And I enjoy it!
I made a simple chart on my phone for writing in pressure waves as they occur. I want to really understand my patterns. If I'm to do a waterbirth, I have to first get to the hospital, and if I'm to get to the hospital I have to KNOW when it's time. I don't want to be there all day and be wrong. I want to know its coming in a few hours and be packed and out the door and in the tub just long enough to have a beautiful birthing. I can't do that unless I am confident in my body's signals. Charting the waves early on will help me see consistencies when they're not so inconsistent. Even though it seemed like I had a lot more today than yesterday, I can still tell based on the overall pattern that it really vary that much. They're just practice waves. The time will come when things will really change and I will be ready.
I enjoy the practice waves because they offer me just that, practice. Each one lets me use the Hypnobabies tools I will be using during birth, the tools that made Kiley's birth so amazing. I can feel a wave start from nearly nothing, then slowly build, at which point I stop and relax everything. I breathe deeply and feel each exhale sending a pressure release through my body. I sometimes even smile, which relaxes me more. I've learned how to use my breaths for what's called Hypno-anesthesia so as I breathe I can feel it working.
Oh the mind is a powerful thing. God has given me so many tools to help make birth so wonderful and peaceful. I truly look forward to it. Landon's birth was not a Hypnobabies experience, and some would think I'd regret that. I do a little, only wishing I'd known. But i wouldn't change a thing. Not only was it not terrible (from what i've heard of most first-timers mine was really easy), but now i have a clear comparison. I see how different my mind and body reacted to birth then, with Kiley and even now. My entire outlook on birth has changed from fearful pain to complete serenity. The thought of giving birth makes me gitty! I've come to understand what God has built within me, the way He designed me and what birth is all about. It's truly amazing and I wish that for any women. All that is needed is a change in thinking.
Our culture has told us birth is terrible and painful, something to dread and fear, the worst ending to a journey on the planet. That's crap. Movies portray such negativity around birth, as does literature and even most pregnancy/birth sites and forums. Negativity is everywhere. But most of those are the body's reactions to the idea of it being bad. Fear, anxiety, both lead to tension, pain, and sometimes feeling unsafe. That can actually delay the birth, making someone's agony longer. I was so scared before Landon's birth. I feared I couldn't do it. I struggled to stay calm during each wave and I was anxious about the next. When I was pushing, I was pushing HARD and he tore me and i thought he wouldn't fit. I wanted him out. I was in pain.
Kiley was only a few ounces lighter and yet I knew she'd fit, I knew my body would open up for her and that each pressure wave was simply my muscles working to helped her move down and out. It wasn't pain. And yet it was the same mechanism as with Landon's birth. My body was doing the same stuff, only with Kiley i was relaxed and confident. Ironic since i was at home in a completely unexpected situation. With Landon my water broke, i had plenty of time to get to the hospital, i had time in the room before I was told I had to lay down and stay put (i know better now that i should've said i was in no danger and needed to walk). More familiar and yet so scary when things started happening. I doubted everything.
With Kiley I was ready for anything. I had no worries at all. And why? Because i changed my way of thinking, and i educated myself on my body and birth. What a difference between the two experiences! I love looking back and seeing how far I've come. Now I hope I can help other women in some way so that their births can also be beautiful, natural and peaceful experiences too. I'll have to live through others after this baby is born. ;)
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 22
Oh the mind is a powerful thing. God has given me so many tools to help make birth so wonderful and peaceful. I truly look forward to it. Landon's birth was not a Hypnobabies experience, and some would think I'd regret that. I do a little, only wishing I'd known. But i wouldn't change a thing. Not only was it not terrible (from what i've heard of most first-timers mine was really easy), but now i have a clear comparison. I see how different my mind and body reacted to birth then, with Kiley and even now. My entire outlook on birth has changed from fearful pain to complete serenity. The thought of giving birth makes me gitty! I've come to understand what God has built within me, the way He designed me and what birth is all about. It's truly amazing and I wish that for any women. All that is needed is a change in thinking.
Our culture has told us birth is terrible and painful, something to dread and fear, the worst ending to a journey on the planet. That's crap. Movies portray such negativity around birth, as does literature and even most pregnancy/birth sites and forums. Negativity is everywhere. But most of those are the body's reactions to the idea of it being bad. Fear, anxiety, both lead to tension, pain, and sometimes feeling unsafe. That can actually delay the birth, making someone's agony longer. I was so scared before Landon's birth. I feared I couldn't do it. I struggled to stay calm during each wave and I was anxious about the next. When I was pushing, I was pushing HARD and he tore me and i thought he wouldn't fit. I wanted him out. I was in pain.
Kiley was only a few ounces lighter and yet I knew she'd fit, I knew my body would open up for her and that each pressure wave was simply my muscles working to helped her move down and out. It wasn't pain. And yet it was the same mechanism as with Landon's birth. My body was doing the same stuff, only with Kiley i was relaxed and confident. Ironic since i was at home in a completely unexpected situation. With Landon my water broke, i had plenty of time to get to the hospital, i had time in the room before I was told I had to lay down and stay put (i know better now that i should've said i was in no danger and needed to walk). More familiar and yet so scary when things started happening. I doubted everything.
With Kiley I was ready for anything. I had no worries at all. And why? Because i changed my way of thinking, and i educated myself on my body and birth. What a difference between the two experiences! I love looking back and seeing how far I've come. Now I hope I can help other women in some way so that their births can also be beautiful, natural and peaceful experiences too. I'll have to live through others after this baby is born. ;)
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 22
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