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WEEK 22 | MONTH FIVE | BABY SPAGHETTI SQUASH
FRIDAY AUGUST 12
No ultrasound today. I kinda am getting used to seeing my baby so the "off weeks" seem empty. I have to wait until the next Friday to see him or her. Mike says her. He doesn't just say, he insists. He's sure of it. Landon...boy, still 150% sure. Me? I say nothing. Mike asks me often, saying in the beginning i said i felt like it was something specific early on and that i've never been wrong. I've always guessed right about our babies and others babies. That is precisely why I tell Mike, and everyone else, that I will not voice my thoughts. All my symptoms, wives tails and cravings are samplings from Landon's and Kiley's pregnancies so I'm not really sure. If I only listen to my gut I might be able to pick one but I honestly don't want to. I don't want any instincts...I don't want to know. So, i say nothing. :)
SUNDAY AUGUST 14
Today I had the honor of attending my niece's consecration. It was a beautiful ceremony. It was great to see my brother and his girlfriend, and my parents! I wish i could see them all more. I hate having to put so much time in between seeing them when I'm pregnant. i wish they could experience my progress in person and less on social media. But, that said, thank goodness for social media! Without it, Facebook, my blog, even texting, my parents wouldn't see much of my pregnancy. I'd rather have those sources than nothing at all. So I'm thankful. I'm thankful for a lot these days. I'm thankful for my family, my loving husband, my ridiculously adorable children, this new surprise baby. What's there not to be thankful for!?! God has blessed us.
MONDAY AUGUST 15
Today was the funeral service for my coworker's little girl. Over the weekend I did a lot of soul searching. Should i go? Should I not go? What's best for her and her family? Would me going make her feel any better...or worse?
I decided not to go. What would everyone think seeing a pregnant woman walking into a funeral for a baby? What would my coworker think seeing me there with a perfectly healthy unborn? How could I do that to her? How could i do that to everyone there who knew them, loved them? There was also a chance people would look at me in sadness, worried how I was affected by all this as an emotionally charged prego. That attention could not be allowed to fall on me. It's not my day. The funeral was not about me. The moment I felt any attention on me, be it resentment or sympathy, I'd have to leave. That'd be much worse for everyone compared to not going at all. I also knew that putting myself in such a sad environment probably wouldn't be good for myself or my baby. I have to try surrounding myself with positive energy. That really goes a long way. My reaction to the news was already negative enough, I didn't need to add to that tenfold. I've been to several funerals like that for my own children. They are the saddest things I've ever attended. There we were, Mike and me, in a room with a tiny coffin full of tiny unborn babies. The room was far from silent, with grieving parents crying, hugging, holding their surviving children. The air was so incredibly thick. No, No, I couldn't endure that again. I couldn't go to this funeral and see this family grieving. It was much better for them and me to stay back, be there in spirit, pray. Several of my other coworkers and Mike agreed with my decision. At first I felt guilty for not going, but now I feel I definitely made the right decision. A pregnant woman should not be at a funeral for someone else's baby. Let them be there in peace to celebrate the time they had with her, without any reminders of how it could've been. Let their baby have her celebration. May God bless her and keep her.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 17
Today I feel great. I had ice cream yesterday so I'm a little afraid of my weigh-in this Friday. ;) I'm sure baby loved the ice cream. Who wouldn't!?
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I'm feeling it today. I laid on the couch with Landon while Kiley took a nap. I didn't sleep but it was much-needed relaxation. We took a surprise trip to the park earlier because I could tell my patience was running thin due to lack of sleep and the kids were getting restless. We weren't there too long but it really helped.
No ultrasound today. I kinda am getting used to seeing my baby so the "off weeks" seem empty. I have to wait until the next Friday to see him or her. Mike says her. He doesn't just say, he insists. He's sure of it. Landon...boy, still 150% sure. Me? I say nothing. Mike asks me often, saying in the beginning i said i felt like it was something specific early on and that i've never been wrong. I've always guessed right about our babies and others babies. That is precisely why I tell Mike, and everyone else, that I will not voice my thoughts. All my symptoms, wives tails and cravings are samplings from Landon's and Kiley's pregnancies so I'm not really sure. If I only listen to my gut I might be able to pick one but I honestly don't want to. I don't want any instincts...I don't want to know. So, i say nothing. :)
SUNDAY AUGUST 14
Today I had the honor of attending my niece's consecration. It was a beautiful ceremony. It was great to see my brother and his girlfriend, and my parents! I wish i could see them all more. I hate having to put so much time in between seeing them when I'm pregnant. i wish they could experience my progress in person and less on social media. But, that said, thank goodness for social media! Without it, Facebook, my blog, even texting, my parents wouldn't see much of my pregnancy. I'd rather have those sources than nothing at all. So I'm thankful. I'm thankful for a lot these days. I'm thankful for my family, my loving husband, my ridiculously adorable children, this new surprise baby. What's there not to be thankful for!?! God has blessed us.
MONDAY AUGUST 15
Today was the funeral service for my coworker's little girl. Over the weekend I did a lot of soul searching. Should i go? Should I not go? What's best for her and her family? Would me going make her feel any better...or worse?
I decided not to go. What would everyone think seeing a pregnant woman walking into a funeral for a baby? What would my coworker think seeing me there with a perfectly healthy unborn? How could I do that to her? How could i do that to everyone there who knew them, loved them? There was also a chance people would look at me in sadness, worried how I was affected by all this as an emotionally charged prego. That attention could not be allowed to fall on me. It's not my day. The funeral was not about me. The moment I felt any attention on me, be it resentment or sympathy, I'd have to leave. That'd be much worse for everyone compared to not going at all. I also knew that putting myself in such a sad environment probably wouldn't be good for myself or my baby. I have to try surrounding myself with positive energy. That really goes a long way. My reaction to the news was already negative enough, I didn't need to add to that tenfold. I've been to several funerals like that for my own children. They are the saddest things I've ever attended. There we were, Mike and me, in a room with a tiny coffin full of tiny unborn babies. The room was far from silent, with grieving parents crying, hugging, holding their surviving children. The air was so incredibly thick. No, No, I couldn't endure that again. I couldn't go to this funeral and see this family grieving. It was much better for them and me to stay back, be there in spirit, pray. Several of my other coworkers and Mike agreed with my decision. At first I felt guilty for not going, but now I feel I definitely made the right decision. A pregnant woman should not be at a funeral for someone else's baby. Let them be there in peace to celebrate the time they had with her, without any reminders of how it could've been. Let their baby have her celebration. May God bless her and keep her.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 17
Today I feel great. I had ice cream yesterday so I'm a little afraid of my weigh-in this Friday. ;) I'm sure baby loved the ice cream. Who wouldn't!?
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I'm feeling it today. I laid on the couch with Landon while Kiley took a nap. I didn't sleep but it was much-needed relaxation. We took a surprise trip to the park earlier because I could tell my patience was running thin due to lack of sleep and the kids were getting restless. We weren't there too long but it really helped.
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