my pregnancy journey week 18

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SELF-PORTRAIT HOW-TO: I saved two of my self-portraits this morning. For the first, I did not use my flash, just the light from the window in the background. Even though I didn't have to worry as much about lighting, focus, or details , it was surprisingly a lot of work to capture this shot. I had to pay attention to where my hands were positioned and even the folds on my clothes had to be just right, or it could have looked like I had some weird bumps everywhere. Placing my arm at a good angle was also important. If it was too low or too high it would look like some strange thing was hanging off my body. Everything had to be just right. For the second portrait, I said "Landon, come over and kiss momma's tummy!" He did! By the time I got to trying this shot, our house was a little lighter so I went for a morning sunrise look. I left all my camera settings the same but increased the brightness a little in Photoshop so that Landon's face was clearly visible.

WEEK 18 MONTH 5 | JANUARY 10TH - JANUARY 16TH
B A B Y   B E L L   P E P P E R

At my check-up appointment on the 10th i got to hear the baby's heartbeat, soft and clear. It was measured at 150 bpm, which is quite lower than the 170 beats it measured at last time. Myth, and some mothers, will say that a heartbeat above 140 is a girl, but Landon had a higher heart rate. I think its all just a fun way to guess what sex the baby will be. My mother-in-law thinks Baby Bell Pepper is a girl, as do a few of my coworkers. My husband has no idea. Me? I'm not focusing on my own instinctual predictions this time. I can't for fear of having even a tiny ounce of disappointment.  We find out the sex on the 14th and I am very excited to know! Whether or not we reveal the name of the baby will depend on what my husband wants to do. I would prefer to wait and leave it a surprise for everyone until the baby is born, but he might not want to wait that long. We'll have to talk about that.

Landon looked at my stomach and said "momma tummy bigger?" I was so happy he noticed! I had to choose my words carefully, so I said "yes, momma's tummy is growing because there's a baby in there that it getting bigger." "Baby?" he responded. "Yes, a baby." I left it at that. Later that morning he came up to me again and said "momma tummy bigger." He pointed at it saying "baby, there." He's learning. But we keep the baby talk on the low key for now because we don't want to confuse the little guy. I think my tummy is finally getting bigger than his little beer belly so he's noticing its different from his own,. I cannot wait for him to meet his little brother or sister.

I've been feeling a little full this week, even though i haven't pigged out at all. I think its possible that things are pushing against my stomach. I have been trying to eat to get my weight back up after being sick. I caught an acute stomach bug that forced me to only eat ice cubes. I lost 4.5 pounds in one day and have yet to gain that back. I know it's probably water weight, but during a pregnancy that water is vital. The more water, the more blood for baby. I think the baby will still be able to draw from me and be ok.

Tuesday, January 14 - Today I went to see a specialist with my husband, Mike, and our little Landon. I dragged them along because I knew we would have an ultrasound and find out our baby's sex. Plus, they would be conducting the ultrasound with a more detailed machine than is normally used. We got to see the brain, heart (which was beating at 138 bpm), and all the limbs, face, and. the bits! Mike and i were convinced we were looking at boy parts but the nurse said "nope". A GIRL!! Our baby bell pepper is a GIRL!! We couldn't have been more thrilled. Now we will have one of each. I was surprised for a split second when i thought i say boy bits because my initial instinct from the first ultrasound was that this baby was a girl. I remember looking at the screen that day thinking "wow, that looks like a little girl." And since the beginning of this pregnancy I have felt more feminine as compared to my pregnancy with Landon. I also tended to see the color pink, almost like an aura, surrounding myself or internally. Sounds strange but true. I pushed those instincts away so that i wouldn't have any expectations whatsoever. We wanted to be happy no matter what, and i i had gone with one sex or the other and been wrong, it would have been hard to break all the images my mind would have created over the weeks. We were thrilled to see a boy too, but when the nurse corrected us, i held up my hand and got a high-five from Mike. We always hoped for one of each. Meet tiny baby Kiley Brooks:

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After the nurse finished with her ultrasound routine, the doctor came in and did her own little study. She confirmed that our baby was a girl.

She explained that my cervix was 4 inches, which was good, but that based on my history of miscarriages and preterm birth that i would be a good candidate for taking progesterone. I never wanted to do anything unnatural during my pregnancies, but the doctor assured me that the progesterone given is the exact same as what my uterus produces already and would be stopped at 37 weeks to let my body progress on its own. Whether or not I choose to add progesterone is completely up to me, but i only have a little time to decide as it must be started at week 20. I am leaning towards doing it because i want my baby to bake longer than Landon had and if the only thing I have to do to help that is take a completely natural product, i should feel lucky. Some people have a lot more issues. I think this could help our baby. And, as a doula and fellow friend told me, a baby cannot never cook too long. A baby will stay in as long as it needs to and come out when it's ready. I'm very excited to balance out the family with another girl in the house!

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