My Pregnancy Week 36 - by Betsy Cherry Twin Cities Maternity Photographer

Posted in: PROJECTS | MATERNITY | JOURNALING | FOR PHOTOGS

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SELF-PORTRAIT HOW-TO: This week's photo wasn't too difficult. The biggest challenge was making sure the background was blurred enough to lessen the appearance of pattern and/or any wrinkles. I stood about 4 feet away from the white backdrop and made sure the blocks were in line with the object I had focused on during set-up. I exposed for my skin and the blocks. Exposing for the background would have made the photo too dark. The only light source was the deck door to the left of the photo. I normally take my photos in the morning but this time I took it in the afternoon and still managed to get really nice lighting...and since it was super sunny outside, waiting for the sun to be over the house actually helped make it less harsh through the windows. I was able to keep my ISO at 200, and raise my f-stop to 6.0 to make sure the blocks came in crisp and clear. In photoshop I lessened the vibrancy of the blocks and darkened the right side of the photo just a tad more to add some drama to the lighting.

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WEEK 36  MONTH 9  |  MAY 16TH  - MAY 22TH
B A B Y   R O M A I N E   L E T T U C E

Friiday May 16th - I'm so happy I've made it to 36 weeks!! This is the longest I've ever been pregnant and it feels great! One more week and she'll no longer be considered a preemie and I can have my waterbirth. Not at 37 weeks, though. I want her to stay in there until at least 40 week, if not 41 weeks. At this morning's appointment my midwife thought baby romaine lettuce felt a little small, at least based on her tape measure. She said its possible the measurement is off because I'm carrying her so low and she's constantly being contracted by my uterine muscles. To be sure, I have an ultrasound scheduled for this evening. It will be nice to see her again! I'm going to ask if they can print out a few pics for me to keep. Its also possible I have an infection and that's one thing that I've been trying to prevent, since the midwives think its possible that an undetected infection may very likely have caused my water to break during Landon's pregnancy. But this time I have symptoms so hopefully if I do have some form of infection it can be treated. Bad news is that I'm still taking progesterone, which makes treating an infection more difficult, but i know everything will be okay. On a super positive note, she is still head-down, which i was thrilled to hear. She did a vaginal exam and could actually feel her head! She also said I'm only dilated one centimeter and my cervix is thin. She said this is a very good indication that the progesterone is helping to keep her in there longer. Our goal was to keep her in until 37 weeks so that i can have the waterbirth i so desire, and more importantly, to prevent another premature baby. So far so good. Just gotta make sure there aren't any infections hanging around.

Saturday May 17th - we had a very interesting morning. We were on our way to spend some time with family when I received a phone call from one of my midwives. She explained that yesterday's ultrasound showed that the baby was measuring small and they wanted to make absolutely sure that everything was ok. So they requested that I go back for another ultrasound right away, at which time they would also hook me up for monitoring. She warned me that if something was wrong I may need to be induced. I was a little scared because today did not feel like the day I was meant to give birth. i hung up and relayed the info to mike while trying to hold back some tears of fear. Just minutes from our original destination we made a u-turn and made our way to the hospital. On the way there I decided to rely and trust in my instincts that everything would be ok. I was able to smile and I confidently tell mike that we were not having a baby today. I was right. The monitor showed a perfect heart rate pattern for baby and spaced-out  practice pressure waves. A biophysical profile was performed, which she passed with flying colors. This involved watching her behavior via ultrasound for up to 30 minutes. In that time she must show several major movements, practice breaths, and other vital characteristics. Up to 8 points are awarded and she received all 8 in about 15 minutes! The nurse and midwife were confident that the baby was healthy and happy and that i simply produce small babies. They felt very comfortable sending us home. What a relief!! Sadly, that was the last visit i will have at that clinic, with those amazing midwives that I've come to know and love. I will be continuing care at another facility that is still permitted to have waterbirths.  As sad as I am to have to change my care team, I've been reassured by many that the midwives there are awesome. But all that aside, we are so thankful that everything was ok. She is in the 12% range and anything above 10% is considered safe for waterbirth and more importantly, healthy.

Sunday May 18th - I think i was on my feet too much today and yesterday because I felt more crampy. I got some pressure waves throughout the day, maybe 1 - 2 per hour. I used them as opportunities to flip off my switch and fully relax. One time I was laying on the couch with Landon and that was taking a chance because i wasn't sure if he would disturb me or not. But i knew if I relaxed enough I'd only be in that state for less than a minute. I need to start practicing around him more, just so that I learn to go deeper into my hypnosis when i hear noises, as opposed to being distracted from it and annoyed. That will only cause stress and tension. I'm getting better.

Monday May 19th - I wonder if I have any pressure waves at night. I never am awakened by them. My theory is that I either don't or that I do but I'm am so relaxed that i sleep right through them. I have a feeling the latter is true. And I'm actually hoping so because it reinforces my desire to perfect my hypnobabies techniques and work towards a calm and peaceful birth. I don't want to sleep through my birth, I want to daydream through it. I want to feel what is happening but feel it more calmly. 



----------------THE BIRTHING DAY---------------

Tuesday May 20th - Last night was my first yeast infection treatment. I was advised to insert the applicator at night, lay down for at least 30 minutes, then insert the progesterone. Seemed like a reasonable plan. I woke up at 5:30 to pee and then again at 6:45 when my alarm went off for work. But at the latter I was surprised to see that I had a lot of blood. I immediately woke Mike up. We agreed that calling my midwives was a good idea. The midwife advised me to come in for a quick visit. I got ready for work and headed out to the clinic. My plan was to get all checked out then head to work for the remainder of the day.

At the clinic I was hooked up to a monitor that checked my uterine muscle behavior and the baby's heart rate. I was having some pressure waves but not necessarily more than normal. They felt slightly stronger than in the past but I attributed that to my body trying to expel blood and the fact that I was lying on my back. I used that as an opportunity to practice my hypnobabies techniques. When a pressure wave and/or cramp would come on I knocked myself out, then back to my center-switch so that I could move but still release natural anesthesia to my abdomen.

I was given a hand-held button to press whenever I felt the baby move. She didn't move a whole lot since morning was typically a time she slept. I hoped the M&Ms I had eaten on the way to the clinic would wake her up a little. I felt her move just a few times. The midwife reviewed the readings and explained that although she had a few drops in heart rate, the baby appeared healthy and was moving enough to disconnect me. My midwife conducted a quick vaginal exam and said she could feel her head very low in my uterus. She also determined that my cervix had dilated 3 cm as compared to 1 cm the Friday before. She thought it was very possible that the blood came from a subtle scrape that occurred during the insertion of the monistat applicator. She also explained that mothers practicing Hypnobabies tend to be so relaxed that they don't always pick up on all the early stages of birth. She said it was possible that my body had learned to be so relaxed that I might not notice all the progression, which would explain why I was 3cm without a lot of signs of change. 

My midwife still felt confident sending me home because chances were good that I'd remain at 3cm for awhile, if not days. She wanted me to simply relax in an attempt to slow things down, which meant not being able to go into work that whole day. She instructed me to come back tomorrow if the level of blood was the same or more. Our ultimate goal was to keep her in as long as possible, preferably until at least 37 weeks, which would be this coming Friday. I was so close to being cleared for a waterbirth I could taste it. "Just remember," my midwife said, "there are many ways for you to have a beautiful peaceful birth out of the water, so if something keeps you from having a waterbirth, because she comes earlier or she comes after 37 weeks but her weight isn't high enough, you can still labor in the tub." I knew this truth, but my heart was set on having a waterbirth, " I asked her what I was waiting for as an indicator to call and she confirmed what I'd heard and read consistently: 6 pressure waves in an hour that were at least one minute long. At that moment they were about 3o minutes or more apart and under 10 seconds long.

I was willing to go home and do nothing to help keep her in as long as possible. I knew the longer the better in terms of her development. I wanted to believe that she would stay in and that what I was feeling physically and instinctually would not come to fruition. I had always known deep in my mind that I probably wouldn't make it to 40 weeks and that 37 may even be pushing it, but I had to keep that vision in order to have any chance of going that long. I didn't want to admit to myself today that the pressure I was feeling could indeed be the start of things rather than my body expelling blood from my infection treatment. But the truth was that my waves didn't feel strong enough. So, back home I went. I arrived around 10:45am and I laid on the couch while Landon bounced around me. Pressure waves were feeling a little stronger now, but they were only 10 seconds long. Each one prompted me to practice my Hypnobabies relaxaton techniques. I put myself in a half-switch state and breathed in and out very slowly. Mike decided maybe he would take Landon out for a little bit to give me time to relax. My only request was that he stay really close, just in case I needed him. I think I knew there was a possibility I'd be calling my midwives back sooner than later. He left at about 12:30pm.

By now I was starting to feel pressure waves coming on stronger and closer together. But despite getting waves roughly every 10 minutes, each wave was still only about 10 seconds long and not nearly as strong as they were towards the "end" of landon's first stage, I decided to try listening to my "Stay in Baby" Hypnobabies track in an attempt to relax and keep baby in for at least a few more days, as much as I knew that probably was an impossible scenario.. But within minutes of starting the track I realized I couldn't focus on it. The pressure was feeling a bit stronger. I felt like I should pack some stuff, just in case. When I got out of bed I felt a pressure wave that was considerably stronger than I'd felt all day. This one stopped me in my tracks and forced a lean against the hallway wall. I had to relax. I started to feel like I had to go to the bathroom but was afraid to go for two reasons: (1) I was afraid the pressure I felt was not waste, but rather my baby, ad (2) I didn't want to feel anything softer than normal. Why? Because the body attempts to clean things out right before birthing so I knew that would be an indication of things progressing prematurely. I had no choice, I had to go. And it was as I feared. My body was cleaning me out. "Crap, I think this could be happening," I admitted to myself. It was then I felt the first full-body pressure wave, one that quickly traveled from my abdomen around to my back and spine, one that took my breath away. I breathed in and out slowly and deeply while leaning against the bathroom counter, until the 10-second wave passed. I immediately called the clinic and told the midwife what I was feeling. She was really surprised at how quickly things had changed since this morning and instructed me to come in right away. I texted my Doula and she said she would meet me at the hospital. I tried calling my mom to let her and my dad know, since they live three hours away, but I couldn't reach her. I called MIke and told him we needed to go in to the hospital. "Is she having you come in for more monitoring?" I laughed. "NO, i think there's more going on because the pressure waves are become very strong, so strong that they are going straight to my back and I'm having to stop in my tracks and breathe really deeply." At one point during that short conversation, I had to stop talking and manage a very strong but short pressure wave. I couldn't talk. When it passed, I told Mike something was definitely happening and that I was packing some stuff. Mike was a little surprised by my sudden urgency. "Could these stronger waves be from you worrying that she's coming earlier than you wanted?" I told him these waves were much too strong for my mind to create. He told me he was turning down our street and would be home in a few minutes, at which time we would head over to the hospital.

I hung up and immediately felt an intense wave pass through my abdomen and around to my back. I had to hang on to the arm of the couch and crouch down to the ground. The pressure was very intense yet not painful. I laid my head down on my arms and just breathed as deeply and slowly as I could. When it passed 10 seconds later I quickly walked to the bedroom and picked out something for me to wear at the hospital. I ran to Landon's closet to find the take-home outfit I'd picked out for my baby girl. I felt another strong pressure wave as I reached up to grab the outfit. I had to move quickly; things were progressing and I knew it. I knew this was happening very fast and it worried me a little. As another wave passed through my body I searched frantically through a pile of papers on the counter for my hypnobabies sign to hang on the hospital room door. It informed those entering that they had to remain very quiet. I also found my birthing plan. I was a little flustered and annoyed that I couldn't find or remember anything else on the hospital list I made just week earlier. I didn't want to forget anything important.

Just minutes had passed since I'd called the hospital but already the pressure waves were considerably stronger. I walked swiftly to the bathroom and grabbed toothbrush. Another pressure wave. "Oh baby girl, what are you doing? You aren't supposed to come yet," I said to my daughter as I gently rubbed my belly. I started to walk back to the kitchen to my hospital bag, when suddenly I felt a huge gush of water run down my legs and onto the floor just outside bathroom door. I gasped! In that moment i had experienced the only true pain throughout my birthing time. My baby's uterine cushion had just burst onto the floor and her body had succumbed to gravity. She dropped hard. It felt like a 50-pound dumbbell had slammed into my pelvis! I let out a long grunt as I stumbled back into the bathroom, hanging on to the walls along the way. Breathe, I told myself. As the pain subsided, I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Mike. 

"Hey," he said. "How are -- "
"My water just broke!" 
"Wow! Ok...it's ok. I'm in our driveway and will be inside in just a second." I could hear the urgency and sense of worry in his voice. "We can grab your bag and head right out to the hospital!"
"No," I said. "We won't make it, you need to call 911."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, call 911! She's coming now! I can feel her pushing! I have to lay down or get into a position." I hung up with Mike and tried searching my phone for a hypnobabies track to help me relax. But which one should I choose, the First Stage track, or perhaps the Easy Pushing Stage track, or --

There was no time. As Mike ran into the house with Landon, I ran back into our bedroom. "Are you sure you don't want to head to the hospital? I can get us there really quick and we'd be there in 5-10 minutes!"

"No, call 911, call 911!"
"Ok. I'll call 911. Did you want to get into the bed?" I looked at our bed and knew I did not want to lie down. That wouldn't have been comfortable. Another pressure wave took over me. I knelt down and leaned my head on the side of the bed, breathing deeply and focusing on relaxing my body. I knew I had to find a desirable position right away. She was coming fast. I jumped up, pulled off my pants and underwear and got on all fours in the middle of our room. This was the position I wanted. Now I was set. I started breathing deeply and as calmly as I could. I suddenly didn't feel worried or anxious about what was happening. I knew my body was fully capable of giving birth and I knew in my heart that my baby would be ok. I remembered I still had my phone in my hand. I placed it in front of me and searched for my Doula's face. "Did you want to call the hospital?" Mike asked? No, I need to call Amber I told him. I needed to hear her voice. I needed her to help me stay relaxed and use the hypnobabies tools I'd worked so hard to learn. My head was flustered and I hadn't been able the past few minutes to enter into the hypnotc state I'd practiced day in and day out, but once I'd gotten onto the floor I knew I could still use what I'd learned to relax in my conscious state of mind. My fingers were shaking as I navigated my phone while calmly managing another strong wave. Found her! It was ringing!

"Are you at the hospital?" she asked me.
"No, I'm at home. The baby is coming!" I don't think she expected to hear that! She asked me what I was feeling at the moment and I gave her the scenario. "Ok," she said, "you're doing amazing. You can do this." I hung my head down with my chin tucked slightly under to help loosen my lower end and help my baby pass through. I let out a deep and long exhale as I listened to Mike on the phone: "Yes, my wife is having a baby at our home! She's on the floor right now...yes...ok..." I saw a towel come flying underneath me, and Mike's voice travel behind me.

Breathe, I told myself. Breathe. A strong pressure wave came and went. I was officially in the pushing stage but didn't push. Instead I focused on relaxing. "Betsy, are you still with me?" Amber asked.

"Yes," I said in a very slow, hypnotic voice. Wait, hypnotic?? How did that happen? In my short down-time I realized that my subconscious had put me into the hypnotic state I wanted to be in! It had actually learned, just as the hypnobabies instructor said it would if I practiced enough! So that's why this was all happening so fast and without the traditional pain! I was relaxed, considerably more relaxed than I had been during Landon's pregnancy, which was full of the expected pain and fear of the unknown. This time, I knew what my body was doing. I knew my cervix was opening and my uterus was twisting like a tornado to help her turn and gently be born. So, naturally, I let my body do what it needed to do. "Reach your hand back and tell me what you feel," Amber instructed. Very slowly I responded "it feels very hard, but its not her head yet. That'll be on the next wave." I was right. A second pushing wave, this time with even more pressure in my cervix. "I can feel her head now," I said. Still I did not push. I knew the next wave would release her head from my body.

I could hear Mike behind me on the phone. "No, I can't see the head yet...Ok...yeah..." I didn't know exactly what they were telling him to do on the phone, but I knew he'd be ok. So I went back to focusing on what I had to do. I felt Mike's hand on my lower back, his thumb putting pressure on my tailbone. I recalled seeing birthing partners, doulas and nurses doing this in the hypnobabies birthing videos I watched and I thought maybe the EMTs had told him to do this. Whatever the reason, it helped me relax. Knowing he was right there with me, doing what he could to help me, was extremely comforting, Just then I saw two little feet standing in front of me. "Momma's ok?" It was my little Landon, watching over me. "Yes, momma's ok, momma's ok." In that moment I knew I had to stay calm and relaxed for him, so that he wouldn't be afraid of what was happening. I had told my Doula that I hoped he could be present for the very last part of my birth so he could witness his baby sister coming into the world. I wanted him to have a solid connection between the baby that was in momma's belly and the physical baby he would eventually see. We weren't sure how that would play out at the hospital, but here at home I got my wish.

Another wave, a little longer and stronger than the previous. I knew her head was coming out so I took a deep breath and envisioned my cervix opening wide and her head slipping out into my hand. I did not push. I kept my hand under her. I felt a slight burn and new she probably tore me a little, so I took another deep breath and let it out with a loud sigh, relaxing me even more and loosening my skin around her head. I did not want big tears like Landon had made. "Yes, I can see the head," I heard Mike say. Then suddenly her head was nestled in my left hand. "The head is out!" Mike said into the phone. "You're doing so good," Amber said from the floor beneath me. "Just breathe and relax." And that's exactly what I did. 

Then I heard Mike say "yeah, I can see the cord. Its around her neck but I can't get it off." I continued to relax. I remembered reading that a baby's trip downward involves two steps forward and one step back. So I understood that once her head had popped out, she regressed a little back into my birth canal, and I'd have to wait patiently for the next wave to push her two steps forward again. The next wave would be the last, I could sense it. I knew if I relaxed and let it happen, her shoulders and the rest of her little body would be out. I didn't fear her not fitting, or the shoulders hurting more than the head, since nothing had truly hurt up until now anyway. I trusted that my body would open enough to allow her to come out easily. Mike told me afterwards that he had put his hand underneath and put pressure near her head and that helped move something. I was at the point that I felt the fourth and final pressure wave. I did not push, but instead let out a deep exhale as I felt her shoulders pass through. Then her stomach,. legs, and feet slid out right into her daddy's big strong hands. He caught her like a pro.

I looked under me and watched him gently set her down on the ground. He unwrapped the cord from her neck. He told me afterwards that it had been wrapped around her neck twice, something that is actually considered normal and occurs in 25% of all births. When I saw her tiny body on the floor all I could think was "breathe little one, breathe." Mike quickly swiped his thumb over her nose and mouth, after which she let out a soft gooey cough and a slight cry. She was ok1 "Yeah, she's breathing." Mike told the voice on the other end of his phone call.

"She's out!" I told Amber. "You were so amazing!" she said.

Mike was being told by the EMT to get her up to me and on my chest, something Mike already had as his next main concern. He feared it took too long and wished he'd gotten her to me faster. I told him later that it was only about 10-15 seconds before I was holding her and that he had nothing to worry about. So there I sat, holding my tiny baby half-naked on a towel in the middle of my bedroom floor. I was a little out of sorts and couldn't believe what had just happened! Landon came to me and said sweetly "that baby Kiley, momma?" I smiled, "yes, this is your baby Kiley." He gently braised her head with his hand. Warmed my heart. Mike helped me wrap her in a towel to keep her warm. I heard a few unfamiliar voices at that point. A young man in a police uniform came around the corner with a shocked look on his face. I think he expected to see me in labor and was surprised to see me holding a baby already!

"Are you ok?" he asked me. "Yes, I'm ok." He came in the room, asked me my name and sat beside me. He helped me remove my shirt and bra so that I could hold my baby skin to skin. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me since I was now sitting there completely naked. He was very sweet and thoughtful. I appreciated his professionalism. Another policeman came around the corner and explained that the EMTs would be here right away. Once the EMTs arrived and Amber knew I was safe, she said she'd meet me at the hospital.

"Holy crap, what just happened!?" I said with a slight laugh. I couldn't believe we just had our baby at home, and in such a short time. An EMT came to me, asked me some questions, and pulled out a tiny clamp. She turned to Mike. "Would you like to cut the cord?" He shook his head nervously "no, I'm ok." She asked me if I wanted to and I excitedly said yes! I cut gently and watched a few bright red blood spurts fly onto our carpet. Other than that, there hadn't been much blood loss, really none. I must have lost most of it throughout the day. Mike was there trying to take a few photos and videos. He felt bad that he didn't get more or better ones. Under the circumstances, I completely understood! "Where's Landon,"  asked him. "Outside with one of the cops," he explained. Cute. The EMT told me when she'd arrived, Landon had ran up to her and gave her a dandelion, which she had put in her hair. "He was very sweet," she said. She started wrapping Kiley in a weird plastic blanket meant to help keep her warm. I stopped her and asked if I could hold her skin to skin. "Definitely," she said. "Just keep the blanket around her.

The EMTs brought me a chair and helped me into it. I had trouble standing and felt exhausted and off-balance. The chair was nice. They got me downstairs and onto a stretcher. I'd never been in an ambulance before, but I was happy to be in one, holding my healthy baby girl. Mike peered in. "Landon and I will meet you at the hospital". He handed me my phone in case I wanted to text anyone the news. I ended up laying there with my baby and watched as her tiny head navigated around my chest. She was perfect, simply perfect. My little girl. I was amazed to see her start nursing without any help from me! I knew she wouldn't get any milk yet but the act of nursing would be comforting to her and would start a bonding between us that couldn't be matched. I was thrilled at her sudden progress, since she was a preemie. Gave me assurance that she would be perfectly healthy. The ambulance doors shut and we were on our way.

The birthing center had been informed of our story during the ride and when we arrived they all stared at me with excited smiles. "You're famous already." one of the EMTs said to me.

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